Monday, April 06, 2009

Her Name


Something amazing happens when we learn to write our own name:
Our identity began at the blurred vision of our mother and the taking hold of her breast...we didn't understand that we were seperated...we WERE her. As we grow, we find out that we are something altogether unique. Our mother, but not quite our mother.
We hang on her skirts because we still aren't sure we are someone other than that being that is connected to her. At some point we start to say, "Me" and that is wondrous. The baby says, "That's mine." Not anyone else's...it is MINE.
Then we learn to say, "I". What a day that is. "I love you, mommy." We are seperated and yet we have this amazing capacity to share love. We can share because we know what it was to BE together, and now miraculously singular. Love. Love. Love.
Today, she wrote her name for the very first time...I only showed her ONCE.
I looked at her in amazement, and she looked at me, and we both giggled and high-fived and I told her how brilliant she was and then I took her little pink face in my hands and I looked down into her heart through those big brown eyes and I said, "YOU ARE AMAZING. I am so crazy with love for you my little darling."
She is Emma.
She wrote her name.
Another step on her path to find herself...who is Emma?
I've written down my name, now what else?
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When my children first gave me hugs and kisses and told me they loved me, it was like more pieces of my puzzle fitting together - who was I? what am I doing here? When my son was born, and then my daughter, the cogs that held my heart together jump-started, and they slip into place each time my babies say "I love you mommy." I am their Mother. (I say that last sentence with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat...what an honor to be their Mother.)
My daughter now says, "I couldn't do without you mom." and "I'll never let you go, mommy." (Where did she come from? How does she know to say things like that?)
She is this amazing being. I watch my children unfold like flowers right in front of my eyes.
I will never regret having stayed home with them. It was the right thing for me to do.
I was put on this planet to be their Mother...how amazing.
In the end, it always comes back to "Mothering" for me...how much I need one, how much I want to be one, how it forms me into the woman I want to be, how it hurts, how it heals, how I care and listen and soothe and empathize and learn and teach...
I am Katie.

2 comments:

...Miss...Maddie's... said...

This is an absolutely beautiful post Katie.Words written drawn from deep within your heart.
Love the clothes pegs too!Using what we have before us to enrich and simplify our lives.
Susan

Christine said...

my sweet girls....
love you both.
xo,ma