Monday, April 20, 2009

A Late Night Ramble

I've been thinking about playing a lawn game and letting my son win because he hasn't won in awhile, and then winning the next one because he has to learn to loose gracefully.
I've been wondering about bumblebees and how gentle and serious they seem.
I've been perusing the idea of a mind that is quiet...with only one thing to think on at a time.
I've been deciding on making myself well, and so happy it begins with nutrition.
I've been thinking about how the meaning of "an outpouring of affection" can simply be 2 people who simultaneously decide to see how you are doing lately.
I've been grabbing at strawberries right and left and so thankful that they are so good for me, but wishing, why can't coca-cola be full of vitamins and minerals?
I've been happy to know that I listen to my children's fears and soothe them, no matter how small, but I wonder why I don't do it all the time.
I've been listening to my friends, instead of talking, and
I've been talking to my friends, instead of pretending everything is alright, and wondering why I don't do that all of the time.
I've been purging my home of unwanted clutter and thinking about how that reflects myself at this point.
I've been intrigued by a woman's perogative to change her mind, drastically...within the space of a minute.
I've wished I could see the evaporated water coming off of the clothes I hang on the line, and wonder if I could ever see it like heat off of the pavement.
I've watched little butterflies racing here and there, and wondered at their energy.
I've been surprised that I found out my husband's ringtone for me is a song snippet about love, and wonder why he doesn't have the need to run and tell me as soon as he's done something like is intriguing.
I've been wondering if I'll ever feel like I'm out of this foggy spot.
I've been glad for the heat, and have been pulling it straight down into me...down into the soles of my feet...using it to root my body right down to the Earth, and I've been wondering if I could stand there for long enough, would my roots carry away the fog?
I've thought about who I am, and what I believe, and I am so happy with it, I could just write a song about it, if I knew how to write songs.
Then I wonder again, when I'll be inspired for more than 5 minutes at a time to be artistically creative.
Life is like a circle. It begins, it ends, and it begins again. The seasons are in a circle, the lunar cycle is a circle, the solar cycle across the sky is a circle, time is a circle, the week is a circle, the months are a circle...In every sense of what I just wrote...Life BEGINS, it ENDS, and it BEGINS AGAIN. In a cycle, as wide and as deep as you can think of...and beyond that I imagine.
We are born. We live. We die. We are born, We live, we die. Born, live, die. born live die bornlivedie
In our LIVE section of the circle, we also have times when things are born, they live and they die. I might open an art gallery, and love it and thrive in it, and then there is a time for that to die. I might decide to stay at home with my kids and do that for years and then decide it is time for that to end. I might grow my hair, then cut it and then grow it again. I might stop eating dairy and refined sugars so I can feel better...death to sugars...there was a time for sugar, and now it isn't time for sugar. Gettin' my drift?
What I realize and want to think about more deeply, is how our lives, in varying shades of distinction, reflect the circle of the Earth in all her beauty and wonder. When the Earth is ready to be warm again, and her soils de-ice and new seeds germinate...what does that say about a "Spring" of my life? I see myself in the Spring of whatever circle I am on right now...a time to renew, a time to let go and heal and warmup. The brightest spot, the best thing, the PROMISE is that after the Spring, is the Summer. A time of doing and energy and livliness. I could stand for some Summer, but I can't get there until Spring is over. I must stay on the circumference of the circle, making my way to the warmer season.

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