I was born with the power to guide. I am a teacher in the depths of my heart. I never was the kind of teacher with her desk straight up front to lord-it-over. I never was the teacher who took the train of children to the library or to the park by walking dominantly in front of them down the sidewalk. Nope. I'm the desk at the back, so I can quietly watch them all when they don't know I'm looking; a soft hand on the back to remind them to keep their eyes on their own paper. I'm a crouch-down-to-their-level kind of teacher. I'm the one who walks in the back after setting a responsible child to lead us down to the library, so I can keep an eye on every single one of them. They are entrusted to me; I must watch over them.
This follows me...this gift of holding and watching. I am constantly given more than I think I can handle and then it seems there are whispers of, "Let's see what she will do." I am in the midst of it all as I write...most of it isn't pleasant, and too often it is about fighting for life, but sometimes my hands are simply full of my family: my little kids in my arms, letting me kiss them a hundred times on the eyes, the ears, the neck, the armpit until they can't giggle anymore.
I suppose that people like me who are constantly given more than they can handle, are also given soft things to hold onto, to make the ride less bumpy. Every single day is a conscious effort to "see the silver lining" and to hold onto Faith. and so I share these words from My old buddy Bob (that'd be Robert Frost to those of you unfamiliar with my familiar ways), who MUST have been a "Heart-That-Holds" just like me:
For every parcel I stoop down to seize
I lose some other off my arms and knees,
And the whole pile is slipping, bottles, buns--Extremes too hard to comprehend at once,
Yet nothing I should care to leave behind.
With all I have to hold with, hand and mind
And heart, if need be, I will do my best
To keep their building balanced at my breast.
I crouch down to prevent them as they fall;
Then sit down in the middle of them all.
I had to drop the armful in the road
And try to stack them in a better load.
Yesterday I needed ritual.
I made this sweet little altar near my desk, with all the Chakra's represented.
A little angel hugging a fuzzy kitty (that's just perfect)
and this tiny teensy little cauldron that I use to burn homemade incense in.
This time I wrote down words that frighten me that I am called to "hold"
and I burned them up; I burned them to ashes and then I put some loose incense called "Sanctuary" on the whole thing and burned it again.
I let the cauldron hold the scary things...
so that I might ONLY have to hold my children.