Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Loving the Unknown

in awe and thanks, with eyes closed and teary, I breathe so deeply
of myself
of who I am...all my foibles and naughtiness even...
I am a full and warm and capable woman who gives every task its due consideration
and then some
I am grateful for the lesson, which seemed to be more of a mirror of what I am capable...
I've been doubting it for seven years. It is so easy to be "away" from one's work for a few years, and then, upon wanting to return, the Doubt and Misgivings and the Cowering shows up at the door. I opened the door to it, had tea with them all (Cowering was rather strangely dressed), then when I was tired of them all, I pushed them out the door and asked them to stay away for quite awhile...apparently they did.

I took the hand of my higher self, as I mentioned last week, and walked into that classroom and I fell absolutely in love with each of these troubled kids. I've given them all my absolute best. I've given them my strength, my understanding, my love and now I must leave them.
I was only supposed to be a long-term sub.
I was only supposed to help out for a couple of weeks.
I wasn't suppose to be invested, or love them.
But I did, and I do.
It will be hard for me to leave on Friday, but I learned so much about myself, and what I'm capable of. I am proud of me. I'm proud of the OAK in me (thanks mama!), and the WILLOW.


Barefoot from Heaven said...

Ohhh I needed this. How wonderful to hear you be proud of you. Great. Now it's ME who I'm giving all the attention. I might write about it a little on my blog soon who knows. But thanks for given me the insight.

Laura said...

dear katie,

because you loved them, because you invested in them, you received a beautiful gift, awareness of who you are and the capacity of your love . . . and trust me, those young people were impacted by your heart for them even tho it was just a short time.

Will be thinking of you on Friday,

warm hugs,

Joie Moring said...

Love your words...and the last photo of water swriling around rocks and leaves...

JFKlaver said...

The swirl in the last photo looks like a heart...