I've been finding it a bit hard to come to terms with myself these days and nights
There is sincere thankfulness in my heart that I have had these years to have completely blown out of myself and been able to fill myself back up with what was true and right.
I am SO completely and down in bones grateful for these learning years.
The days grab onto me from the moment my eyes are opened and my simple tasks are set before me like a menu: walk up here and teach this, walk down there and look after them, walk back up here and help them complete it, siddle over there and teach this, back down to teach that and lastly help these kids keep it together...now go home.
There has been a shutting down of sorts going on inside of me.
I've been so open, skin tingling with the everything new soaking in and the old scrubbed off. I've been able to sit face down in the grass and let it permeate to my bones. I've been able to dance at the witching hour under a full moon.
Now I am in a kind of silencing.
This mode of life has caused me to pull in and stand up...to be constantly grounded. I wanted to write that it isn't good for me to be constantly grounded, but I am finally beginning to learn that I don't know that everything I once thought is actually true. Perhaps it is good for me to have taken what I've learned in my spirit and begin to apply it to my daily life.
You can only learn so much until it begins to saturate and muddle...
at some point we all must just stop ruminating and begin to actually fly.
She has filled volumes in this room at a tiny, perfectly sturdy little secretary desk. She has barely been able to soak in all that she has written, and now it is time to sit in a cozy brown chair and begin to read these volumes to me. I imagine that she reads them to me and I am able to go and DO now. We can put into practice what we've learned. Yes... a kind of silencing...how appropriate when my world is covered in snow and the flames leap from the wood my husband has provided. How appropriate when I am wrapping gifts and cuddling kids.
Happy Winter to all my friends...I wish "silencing" for you, as well.