Sunday, December 13, 2009

Silencing

I've been finding it a bit hard to come to terms with myself these days and nights
There is sincere thankfulness in my heart that I have had these years to have completely blown out of myself and been able to fill myself back up with what was true and right.
I am SO completely and down in bones grateful for these learning years.
The days grab onto me from the moment my eyes are opened and my simple tasks are set before me like a menu: walk up here and teach this, walk down there and look after them, walk back up here and help them complete it, siddle over there and teach this, back down to teach that and lastly help these kids keep it together...now go home.
There has been a shutting down of sorts going on inside of me.
I've been so open, skin tingling with the everything new soaking in and the old scrubbed off. I've been able to sit face down in the grass and let it permeate to my bones. I've been able to dance at the witching hour under a full moon.
Now I am in a kind of silencing.
This mode of life has caused me to pull in and stand up...to be constantly grounded. I wanted to write that it isn't good for me to be constantly grounded, but I am finally beginning to learn that I don't know that everything I once thought is actually true. Perhaps it is good for me to have taken what I've learned in my spirit and begin to apply it to my daily life.
You can only learn so much until it begins to saturate and muddle...
at some point we all must just stop ruminating and begin to actually fly.
My heart is a carefully, naturally carved chamber wherein I always find my true self.
She has filled volumes in this room at a tiny, perfectly sturdy little secretary desk. She has barely been able to soak in all that she has written, and now it is time to sit in a cozy brown chair and begin to read these volumes to me. I imagine that she reads them to me and I am able to go and DO now. We can put into practice what we've learned. Yes... a kind of silencing...how appropriate when my world is covered in snow and the flames leap from the wood my husband has provided. How appropriate when I am wrapping gifts and cuddling kids.
Happy Winter to all my friends...I wish "silencing" for you, as well.





5 comments:

sarah said...

so beautiful - but always, here, so beautiful.

JFKlaver said...

Your photos are a perfect visual for your words. Silencing feels right, especially for this season. I love the joy of sitting in silence so when it is time to return to the noisy world, we can share what the silence taught us.

Barefoot from Heaven said...

Ohh my friend, you touched my heart deeply again today. Did you know I longed for these words? I'm so gratefull yet missing the sparkle in my life these days...sigh. But reading your powerful words made me open my heart again. Knowing it is all good.
Dear hugs from my heart to yours.
Happy winter times.

And I love to see you again. Great pictures.

Sea Angels said...

Thankyou Katie for sharing these deep thoughts...sometimes being grounded is what we need, we replenish and restore, and isn't that just what the land is doing all around you..it is silent grounded, and in peace, waiting, yet it is no less beautiful, in fact more beautiful; in it's silence and stillness we become more aware of the things we did not notice before, and as in life they become enhanced and beautiful more so.......
with love
Lynn xxx

Bill S. said...

Beautifully written. It is amazing what happens inside us when we put our thoughts down in writing.