Time is supposed to heal. But I often wonder if time is just a mechanism to help us process, distill, who we are NOW...who we are NOW that this has happened, or who we are NOW that we had that experience....who we are NOW that we met that person.
I lately had the opportunity (rare) to spend the evening with my best girlfriends...one of us was moving to another state. Since I found out, I was excited for her dreams come true and selfishly sorry for myself. My friend who is leaving has been a very kindred spirit...albeit in a skinny, gorgeous Latina body (I'm decidedly pale and, shall we say, "round")...bodies aside, our souls found themselves looking into a mirror. I'll forever be in awe of that true thing.
She is maddeningly precise in business affairs, irritatingly (when I'm not) positive about life, a kind listener, a true hostess, a gracious giver, a soul listener, a fiery arguer, a companion of good health (chocolate and heavy whipping cream aside), a soul-fed artist, a protective mother, a life questioner, a confident dream-taker, ...and all of this and more that I can't flesh out in words at the moment, makes her one of the dearest friends I've ever had.
So, who am I now that I know her? Who am I now? I am MORE of who I was. . . more confident in who I am. . . taking my dreams in hand... asking questions that will never be answered and being okay with it...standing up for myself...being a better hostess, a better artist, a better listener. ..rare...rare rare and rare.
Last night when I gave her a card that expressed how I see her right now, in art, but I couldn't find the words, and we hugged...neither of us could find the words to say, just gulping back the tears and hugging tight...then everyone left and I was still drinking my coffee at 11pm and thinking, I should get going, too...she said, "I'm so glad you are the last one left. I was hoping you would be. Let's go sit and talk." It struck me then, she's also made me realize that my friendship is something that people would really want. My friendship is desirable. People want to be my friend. Another gift from a beautiful person...how I'll miss her.