Wednesday, October 27, 2010

complainy

Yes, I wrote that right...complainy...not complainING...just a little complainy...
no pictures cause I never get any time to take them until I get home and then there is no light because we are swiftly heading into winter and the days are so short now.
I'm complainy cause the dishes are endless.
I'm complainy cause I get myself into awful predicaments sometimes, that seemed to be based on the fact that I am a very bad perfectionist and self-indulgent, and mostly too self-reliant. Now I've gone and made a mess of two perfectly wonderful days, but the stress of thinking it all out has gotten me...well, complainy.

I'm complainy cause I can't seem to give myself very many compliments. I keep a blog to remind myself of what I do right, and I love what I do, but it always seems like I'm some giant liar, cause the truth is, is that my children eat out at least twice a week for dinner, their breakfasts are cold cereal or pre-packaged oatmeal, and I've been too tired to read a bedtime story since the summer.

I'm complainy cause I've had something akin to pms for what seems like weeks.

I'm complainy cause I think I've had an ear infection for what seems like weeks...it feels like I'm just about to have a full-on migraine...you know the kind where you can't see out your right eye and everything is too loud, and your forehead skin just about hurts and you HAVE to close your eyes and lay in the dark...yeah, one of those...

I'm complainy cause the new teacher next to me, while she is welcome and young and a bright young thing (did I say young twice), she is seriously showing me up already...shit. Urrgh, there goes that very bad thing I do with comparing...

I'm complainy cause I know I should continue to be blissfully excited about my job and never need to have another wonderful thing happen to me (where do I get this idea?), but there it is, me wanting something else, or something more...jaaaaaaaaaysssssssuuuuus...but I just want out of this 40,000 square foot house, cause we only live in like 10 square feet of it (well, I am exaggerating, but you get the point)...I just want my tiny little 1901 cottage that already makes my heart feel unfettered and free and has it's own passel of troubles (I'm under no illusions now that I'm old and experienced...see how I am)...

Anyway, here I am in plain words saying, "today, I don't feel like being some dark woman who lives on the edge of a misty wood who charms rabbits and keeps her apron full of rose geranuim...nope, I'm frickin' complainy today instead."

2 comments:

sarah said...

((hugs))

I'm sorry you're feeling complainy (seriously cool word). Sounds to me your unconscious is priming you for change. How wonderful!

I'm really sorry about the ear infection. :-( And about that bright y***g woman. But I'll bet you are looking at yourself through very foggy and cracked glasses. I'll bet you're a bright young thing yourself.

I love the sound of the cottage. I want one of those too.

By the way, my dd would be so happy if she got to eat out twice a week!

I wish you happiness and all wonderful things. I wish you MORE.

Jesska said...

I love how perfectly imperfect you are… If only we would have really understood and known what responsibilities came with being an adult…a woman, a wife, mother, full-time worker…perhaps we would of stayed young and free forever…

With so much on our plates sometimes it’s so hard to just sit back and breath….my words to you is embrace this life, hold on tight and enjoy the ride… and remember to just breathe….

Your amazingly beautiful in more ways than one..always! I love you!