I miss you too, you have no idea (well, you probably do). I am up super early- the opposite of you, the mornings are the time when the house is mine. I had the overriding feeling to check your blog. I don't usually get on the computer first thing and I know now why I did. I love you Bird. I know you need that. I am reading a book and one of the lines I loved in it that I underlined YESTERDAY was, "You peer at your bony knuckle's see the fossil of a bird's wing? Can they remember they were kissed once....?" I think your sweet Grandma is wanting for you some wings right now. Let's hover my friend, over this small place, so that even if we can't see what is next, we can trust that the little Earth will keep spinning, our lives will keep moving us forward, we are breathing and this bigger part of us above it all, holds us, nested in her eternal heart. There isn't anything we can't have or be and that is what we are here to learn, to rest in that feeling, to know it deep, deep within ourselves. We are full, we are complete, we are everything. Trusting means that even if things do not appear one way, they are appearing the way they do for a reason, always to our benefit. Why wouldn't it be so? We don't have to figure out why, or why not, or think it has to do with any kind of shortcoming on our part. You, wisest one, wrote to me,
"...time is of no consequence. So what if it takes years and years, because the journey to the dream is still the dream…it is ALL good, and I don’t even know how to explain it except that there is no judgment on it. There are no balances or steps backwards. There are no good or bad choices I could truly make right now, as long as I am always moving toward my dream."
I am dreaming you whole my friend, so there is nothing you need to have, do, say or think to complete your amazing and beautiful self. We can't look at anything outside of ourselves, not things, people or events, and think that they define us, for they'd be too small really. What about walking through this world and while being amazed at it, as you are so good at, we also had this perspective of, "Yeah, I know what you are up to....you are wanting me to want you, but I've got your number. I already have everything I could ever need, right in here. You could seem perfect in everyway, but I am everything already." When we get what we want we can be thankful, but not from a place of surprise, but from a deep knowing that we knew we didn't have to have it to feel whole or worthy. This, I believe, is surrender.
I love you,