Saturday, March 05, 2011

pretty things and...

I wish I knew where these came from, but I don't...but I am going to make my new big utility room to look this way...SERIOUSLY...
Love all the drawers and white things and the tinny-looking metal things and the old boxes...this is a perfectly perfect Pantry to me :)
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But on to REAL things:

It has been hard for me to write here, lately.
Because the things I want to say have to be so thickly veiled or ignored altogether that it won't make much sense.

Let's just put it this way, I vented last night and I feel better having told it, even if it is only in part.
Thank you for your kindnesses, even in regular emails to me.
You know, the ME you read here is truly the me you would meet in life. I don't leave much out.
A kind woman told me recently that I wear my heart on my sleeve and there isn't anything wrong with that. That is true. When I'm angry, I get angry...really angry. When I'm sad, I get really sad. When I'm scared, every light in the house is on and I'm pretty sure every thing I brush up against in the darkness is something unspeakable.
When I'm happy, I float on clouds of golden dust.
But, in this strange turn of personality, I tend to keep those thick, molasses-like feelings under a kind of wraps sometimes. Not sure who to share it with. That makes for a boiling-over situation often-times. I wished that I'd kept this place more private so that I could write in it more freely.
The odd thing is, is that the "problem" is in real life, not in internet land.

I don't like to keep quiet. It doesn't feel good to keep it to myself. I like to share; it is very therapeutic for me.
Thank you for listening, and thank you also for understanding when I erase it again. I've shared and now I erased. That was good enough for me.

3 comments:

Jesska said...

Dig those "white things" they are so YOU!! Can you imagine all the stuff you can "hide" in those! :) How much excitement your future holds with the new home and all the planning and revamping and making it your very own..unique..katie-fied...farm.

I also must comment on the rest of your blog. It's hard to come out and talk. I had that same problem a few months ago...I ended up deleting the post..but now that I think about it, it truly was my only way to get some of those thoughts out..that is what our blogs are for, right..to have a place to talk, be happy, mad, sad, rant, rave, oogle and google... You are VERY much a STRONG, strong WOMAN and I love you my soul sister..i'm also very proud of you for using your voice and letting go...BIG HUGS and LOVE.. J

Jacqueline said...

I'm sorry you are going through this katiebird. Keep it all in the light...truth belongs in the light.

Jesska said...

I keep coming back to this post...mostly because of the picture of those white drawers...they remind me of the new Nanny Mcfee 2 movie...and when I say "hide" things please make sure it's not molasses..heehehe..I'm so excited for you and your new home...I am builing to my imagination with everything you post! :)