Saturday, April 09, 2011

quierencia

My favorite Spanish word is querencia.
Querencia is a place where one feels secure.
It is a place from which one’s strength of character is drawn.
In Spain, it is the place in the ring where the wounded bull goes to renew his strength and center himself, ready to go again.
I think of people who are able to come from a place of comfort from within themselves wherever they are, and I wonder at why I am not that kind of person.
Where I am at, physically, in this world, matters to me.
Being in the warm embrace of the sky and the grasses, old trees and barns, animal sounds and slamming backdoors...these things tell me who I am. They are the place from which I may speak my deepest beliefs about life and where I belong.
I grew on a farm. I found a warm center there.
When I left home to go to college, I sought out other's farms to sit near. When I felt homesick, I went for a walk and talked to the cows and watched the farmers tending their crops. I longed to hear the dirt being turned and to feel the wind across the wheat, bringing with it the smells of home, but it was only a whisper of what I needed.

I've been longing for it for as many years as I've been away from it.
What I did not say, was that our little dream farm, complete with red barn, was almost taken away from us this last week. But was graciously, given back by someone else, completely and utterly out of love and kindness. I do not know how to thank such generosity but to love that home from top to bottom when I finally get there.

My center, is coming.

6 comments:

Jacqueline said...

This has been quite a ride hasn't it katiebird?

Jesska said...

Oh Katie!! I am writing this with the hair still standing on my arms and a tear traveling down my cheek..and the only words I have now are... HooRAHH!! Let the good times roll.. Remember the other day when we teased over the gifts and you said..Wow 32..you've been busy and I teased back saying.. Pay it forward.. Your strength, love, compassion, and kindness, the deep inner you has been paid forward for all the gracious gifts you give to each person you meet on a daily basis and for simply being YOU.. Congrats Estvolds...today we celebrate you, today we celebrate new beginings with dirt between the toes and crisp farm smells on the horizon. Much love and (((HUGS)))) :)

sarah said...

That must have been so terrifying, to almost lose your dream! I am so thankful it was gifted back to you. I know exactly what you mean when you write, "Where I am at, physically, in this world, matters to me." It matters to me too, and I am starting to realise just how much, being stuck in a place as I am which is actually negative to my soul. It is an endless delight to know people who find their place and claim it.

Garden of Rambles said...

Oh my gosh Katiebird, my heart feels good at reading this.

paperbird said...

katie i love your writings.
also i am so happy for you that you will be moving into your dream home. i hope it brings you much happiness.

how is your sweet mom? I hope she is well.

Tracy said...

You are coming home in so many ways, Katie... So happy for you! :o)