Monday, August 29, 2011

feeling soft

I'm feeling a bit soft tonight - there is a part of my heart (the skin I think) that is hurting and mourning the lost chances I've been about to have with my children this next year - so many changes so fast...our family went from gently planning and thinking of scrimping and saving so that we might have a year of homeschooling, to a quick-quick back to the grind so that we might pay off some major debts, which helps our family so much in the long run. The softness is coming from the disappointment of others, I know. I don't truly feel the need to explain our situation at length, but I did think hard (though fast) about this decision, and though it is making my son, still, sad for the beautiful unknown, he'll get through it.
I have to remind myself of what a good mother I am. I love those children in this way: I give them my Spirit, my Will and my Warmth. If I give that to them, I am teaching them to do everything they set their hearts to with their whole beings, to be kind, to set goals and achieve them, to love themselves...yes, I have to keep reminding myself that, in truth, I am doing what I hope they'd do in life: follow their bliss, knowing it provides the opportunity for all those around them to be inspired by the wake of true happiness they leave behind them.
Having done so much planning and thinking about homeschooling my children, and talking with my husband, reminds me that I do not have to give up all those things I wanted to do with them. We've been reading D'Aulaires' Book of  Norse Myths, a beautiful book in every sense. You see, my husband is Norwegian, and so, of course, are my children. I was so eager for them to have a clear grasp on the stories of their ancestors, and I was SO RIGHT to follow the advice of Waldorf Educators by using this book for my 9-year-old son. The stories provide so much for the imagination, and they are written in such an accessible way. My son's motto is now "Spirit, Will and Warmth", as that was the meaning behind the three Aesir gods' names (Odin, Vili and Ve') - we've read about how the world was formed, how the magical creatures of the earth were thought of, we've connected with Yggdrasil (the great Ash tree that essentially holds together nine worlds, all of which are part of our existence), we've been learning about runes and the Norns (the three Fates), and of course we laugh about the jotun (frost-giants). The art is absolutely fantastic and suits the topic and audience so completely. As the children go to bed I'll tell them to dream about Odin, or Yggdrasil, or the rainbow bridge. It has captured my heart, and I know it is settling itself into my son's consciousness, which makes me endlessly happy. 

No comments: