Sunday, February 27, 2011

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Downton Abbey

My new favorite show: Downton Abbey. I found it on instant play on Netflix and I've been addicted! Firstly, the theme music is beautiful!




Then there is the cinematography:






It is about a very well-to-do English family in 1912 and their relationship with their houseful of servants...it is so so very interesting. I highly recommend it!

no matter what


Remember this .
Still working on it...we've had more ups and downs on the buying of this place, which, somehow, tells me that it is so worth it. We've been learning to go forward toward our dream no matter what...NO MATTER WHAT.

Work has taught me some amazing lessons lately, which will help to make me exactly the kind of teacher I want to be.

Family has taught me, yet again, that when the chips are down, real honest love couples with real honest hope and we are made whole again.

I've learned that I am capable of giving much. I've learned that I'm tougher. I've learned that I'm more determined. I've learned that I'm excellent at escapism...but I've also learned that I'm good at just going on ahead making my dreams come true, no matter what terrible or mean or unjust or ridiculous thing gets in my way, and it is a gift I'm able to give to my family and my friends and my students: I'll hold your hand and we'll keep going.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Calico Critters



Nothing profound tonight except that I LOVE these little animals so much...my daughter has some little rabbits and kitty cats and plays with them all the time. I love sitting looking at the catalog circling things we both want: the little ballerina set, the squirrel family, the kitty family, the lavender bedroom set...yes, yes...nothing like playing house with itty bitty fuzzy animals:)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A new favorite!!!



Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
The india arie

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet my thighs my lips my eyes I'm loving what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen (yeah)
I'm not the average girl from your video (woo)
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes (whoa)
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
The india arie

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but what she knows
But I've drawn the conclusion
It's all an illusion
Confusion's the name of the game
A misconception a vast deception,
Something's got to change
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/i/india_arie/because_i_am_a_queen.html ]
Don't be offended this is all my opinion
Ain't nothing that I'm saying law
This is a true confession
Of a life-learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself (love yourself)
'Cause everything's gonna be alright (love yourself)

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen (yeah)
I'm not the average girl from your video (woo)
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes (whoa)
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
The india arie

Keep your fancy drink and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive cars
And your caviar
All's I need is my guitar
Keep your cristal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need your silicone
I prefer my own
What god gave me is just fine
(Oh hah hah hah)

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen (yeah)
I'm not the average girl from your video (woo)
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes (whoa)
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
The india arie

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/i/india_arie/#share

I ain't havin' it.


Something was trying to teach me not to trust other people just now, and I'm not having it. I have to believe in the reality of true friendships. I have to remember to trust my instincts and to never allow a broken person to make me believe in their shrunken fairy-tales. Life is still beautiful and I feel sorry for those whose sole purpose is to infiltrate and break down trusting souls.

I have to owe that something a big thanks for teaching me to be more guarded. I'll only be better because of it, so ha. That "something" is totally missing out on a good friendship...bummer for them.

At the moment, I have been yearning to drench myself in beautiful stories, to create sweet little fantasy worlds and laugh and muse on the finer things in life...so this is next on my reading list:

read about it here...I'm having itchy fingers just thinking about getting to read it!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

On Agate Hill

There are times when nothing else will do but a good story...I can't think of anything else happening in any other time, so most likely when I say "there are times" I really mean "all the time" This is my latest good story and I can't put it down.

Let me share with you some of the bits I love the best:

"I was much too excited to sleep. The dew fell around us, turning fast to frost which had given the whole countryside a shine well before we reached Agate Hill. I pushed the robe down so I could feel the frost on my face, for I want to feel everything Dear Diary. I want to feel everything there is. I do not want to be a lady."
~~~
"I will be very happy to share Agnes's little stone fairy house where I will have a room of my own for the first time ever in my life, a room so small it is like my cubbyhole at Agate Hill but nevertheless my own, it is a start. It has pink wallpaper with darker pink roses on it in a repeating lattice print, they are so beautiful. And a little window with a a lace curtain and a view of the side yard and the giant elm with its great limbs making a leafy room where the day students gather around the old stump to eat their lunches in fair weather -- and beyond that the orchard, then the woods. And Agnes says we will have a cat too, I cannot wait!"
~~~
"A whippoorwill was singing in my ear. the wet grass was scratchy and cold on my face. I dug my hands into it, squeezing great wet clumps as hard as I could. I felt like a fool, or like a person just awakening from a long, long dream. No one had come to commencement for me, no one was missing me now. All the girls and all their families, all the life that I have known here at Gatewood Academy will be gone in the twinkling of an eye, as in the Bible. No matter how much I have tried to fool myself, in that instant I knew the truth. I am still an orphan girl, loose in the world, and do you know what, Mary White? I like it that way!"
~~~
"I have the clearest image of Molly in her plain brown dress...ringing the bell as hard as she could while barefooted children straggled up the red hill, giggling and shy, swinging their little lunch buckets. A few carried hornbooks as well. The old bell, donated by the Methodist Church in Jefferson, was neither tinny nor mournful but had a lovely clear tone. It sounded like an invitation pealing out over the mountains. And here they all came, little boys and girls ranging in age from six to twelve or thirteen, so many more than we expected...They would have to sit two to a desk. I stood at the door to welcome them. "Girls on the right, boys on the left," I said, forming them into two lines. Oh how hopeful and sweet and scared they seemed, gap-toothed and grinning, holding hands, wiggling and wriggling, some of their clothes ill-fitting and threadbare but clean as could be for the opening of the Bobcat School."
~~~
"'Jesse is entirely right,' I said, changing my mind in an instant, for I hope I never grow too old to learn from a child."

Monday, February 21, 2011

no other sound

(not my photo, but do not remember where I've found it...lovely)

That which seems most feeble and bewildered in you is the strongest and most determined.
Is it not your breath that has erected and hardened the structure of your bones?
And is it not a dream which none of you remember having dreamt, that builded your city and fashioned all there is in it?

Could you but see the tides of that breath you would cease to see all else,
And if you could hear the whispering of the dream you would hear no other sound.

~Kahlil Gibran~

grace

It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

~Mary Oliver~

Saturday, February 19, 2011

true friendship = true encouragement

From my friend today:

I miss you too, you have no idea (well, you probably do). I am up super early- the opposite of you, the mornings are the time when the house is mine. I had the overriding feeling to check your blog. I don't usually get on the computer first thing and I know now why I did. I love you Bird. I know you need that. I am reading a book and one of the lines I loved in it that I underlined YESTERDAY was, "You peer at your bony knuckle's see the fossil of a bird's wing? Can they remember they were kissed once....?" I think your sweet Grandma is wanting for you some wings right now. Let's hover my friend, over this small place, so that even if we can't see what is next, we can trust that the little Earth will keep spinning, our lives will keep moving us forward, we are breathing and this bigger part of us above it all, holds us, nested in her eternal heart. There isn't anything we can't have or be and that is what we are here to learn, to rest in that feeling, to know it deep, deep within ourselves. We are full, we are complete, we are everything. Trusting means that even if things do not appear one way, they are appearing the way they do for a reason, always to our benefit. Why wouldn't it be so? We don't have to figure out why, or why not, or think it has to do with any kind of shortcoming on our part. You, wisest one, wrote to me,

"...time is of no consequence. So what if it takes years and years, because the journey to the dream is still the dream…it is ALL good, and I don’t even know how to explain it except that there is no judgment on it. There are no balances or steps backwards. There are no good or bad choices I could truly make right now, as long as I am always moving toward my dream."

I am dreaming you whole my friend, so there is nothing you need to have, do, say or think to complete your amazing and beautiful self. We can't look at anything outside of ourselves, not things, people or events, and think that they define us, for they'd be too small really. What about walking through this world and while being amazed at it, as you are so good at, we also had this perspective of, "Yeah, I know what you are up to....you are wanting me to want you, but I've got your number. I already have everything I could ever need, right in here. You could seem perfect in everyway, but I am everything already." When we get what we want we can be thankful, but not from a place of surprise, but from a deep knowing that we knew we didn't have to have it to feel whole or worthy. This, I believe, is surrender.

I love you,

Alma

Thursday, February 17, 2011

fragile

i created this huge canvas a couple of years ago
she is "Sharing Sacred"
it was something completely else a few times,
it had been ripped off the canvas at least 3 times
until i really saw it and loved that it was authentically messed up
not contrived

Then I created HER...
the me that is fragile
the me that wants to share herself but doubts the sincerity
or cushion
of others

today i am here again and i want to hide behind
a picasa blur effect
or be under exposed

or almost totally cropped out

there is the feeling today of distance from friends who are not even far away

and then there is the distance from my friend who definitely IS far away and i miss her terribly
i miss her laugh and her hug and that look she gets when i show up at her door that says without words
you are inexpressibly welcome you sweet thing
and i miss the decaf with heavy whipped cream poured in, in the mornings
and her smelly dog
and facing each other on her couch
and talking with each other about goddess light in every cell of our beings
and the red wine in the nights

i miss my soul sister who lives in the great white north
whom i think of at least twice a day
once usually by laughing my butt off
and once usually by feeling deep sincere longing
how i'd love to be drinking some cheap wine in front of the fireplace
and laughing until we've cried and then
crying until we've made each other laugh
how i miss you sweet one

i'm missing my grandma
who called me bird
who gave me the same look when she saw me as my friend Alma does
who wrapped me up in her great soft bosom and didn't let me go until
i'd needed to breath
she held my little hands in hers and rubbed my knuckles with her fingertips
while she'd search my face with teary eyes saying
oh you've grown so much bird
look how tall
look how beautiful
ooooooh and another grab up into the softness
i long for her in that same place in my heart
as i long for my soul sister
that sweet-hurt place that feels full and empty at the same time


i feel everything so deeply
there is no way i cannot
i just don't have it in me to elude it
to turn it off
to let myself miss it


i am finding myself afraid of the not-yet and the may-never-be
so today was comfortably pessimistic

which tells me my shadow girl
stepped out into the snow today
that's alright
what she feels isn't wrong
it is just so saturated, she makes me take two breaths for her every one

today i don't like the idea of letting her rant
and then picking her up by her scruff and
daintily placing her in my apron pocket
she needs to learn something
she needs to learn to
t r u s t through the fragility



~~i feel all of this in my blue chakra today, which tells me i have something to say and i'm not able to express it...i'll keep working at it...~~




Tuesday, February 15, 2011

dreamy snow day

To use a phrase of a faraway friend: "But that's alright. I believe in the kindness of the universe."
I did not want the snow very badly, but I needed a day off from this Tuesday, more badly.
Tuesday is our busy day, and my sweetheart was going to be gone tonight into the darkness and past it, and here we are, being blessed by the snow.
The snow has been continual since the early morning hours, and is falling down in the biggest goose feather flakes you've ever seen. the boughs are so heavy with them, there are sudden swishing and plumping sounds coming from every tree. I have found one thing I'll miss here, and that is the trees covered in snow and dropping their heavy burdens when they can carry no more. There are so many trees here, that the sound and the effect is quite magical.

My sudden thought this morning as I stood out in it listening, camera in hand, was this: and isn't that natural? Shouldn't we give up our burdens when we can no longer carry them? So natural and right. No judgement or guilt. Just letting go and allowing the snow to fall to the ground as it was meant to.

what a dreamy snowy day we are having here...even my sweet husband has gone back to bed, and has a kitty cat all snuggled up to him. My daughter is playing a fun new game which involves making a fairy's hair be whatever color she wants, and flying over a magical land.
My son is reading a new book he's found about Pirates, and me...staring out at the snow this morning...so so glad for this unexpected rest.

Monday, February 14, 2011

still

That is exactly how I'm feeling. Very still. Which is strange, because there is all sorts of activity just swirling and swirling around me.
It is raining right now, and the only sound I can hear, when my fingers aren't chinking at the keys, is a very soft kind of drippy-puddle sound. The wind has just blown and thrown a few drops at the kitchen window and made the window frame crack a bit. This house doesn't make too many sounds at night...probably because it is a newer house.
I do not suppose that our cinder block home will crack too much either, but I can imagine how the wind will whip across the plains there and I look forward to it. Bring on the honest wind; wind that does not hide behind the trees and suddenly flip through the yard.
I have taken off the thin lacey curtain from my living room's side-door that has almost all window, and does not ever seem to provide any protection (how many nights I've imagined that this door would be the reason I was dismembered by mothman or a werewolf from "the Howling"). Here is this big black hole in the door that "looks out" on nothing but the storage shed (ohhh, what a goooood idea to put such an expensive door right there, cause you neeeeed to see the shed), and I can see the drips of rain as they fall from the eaves here. The light from the kitchen window is, at times, reflecting off of the drips, so it gives an effect of seeing the rain like little drips of gold coming off of the roof...what a strange thing that is.

You see, here I've come to my spot on the couch with my feet up and no tv on (though I'm planning on working on lesson plans with "Paranormal State" playing in a little window on the right side of my desktop in a moment or so), and all of my little family asleep and it becomes MY time. I belong to this dark and quiet time when I am so wrapped up in the warmth of my living room and big brown sweater and black yoga pants and flimsy nighty (yes...I love flimsy nighties, but I also love big sweaters and pants with it...kind of like the trinity of night apparel for me).
I am SUCH a night person.

If I were the queen of my days, I'd find a teaching job where they don't start until 10am (meaning I don't have to get up until 8:30am) and then I could go until, say 4pm. That'd be awesome. Then waking up early would be a privilege, not mandated...and my nightly alone time wouldn't seem so carved out...

But, I am sitting still here, in the stillness...still waiting and trying to tell myself that the waiting for something to happen isn't hold-your-breath time, but that the pathway to the dream, is all still the dream. I am reminded to live each day one-at-a-time. My absolute FAVORITE song in all of the world is this and I'm sending this to a VERY STRONG WOMAN who needs COURAGE, who NEEDS ALL OF HER FAMILY to lift her up and pray for her, who needs to REMEMBER THAT MOTHER MARY is here for her at EVERY MOMENT - I love you so much it hurts:




Thursday, February 10, 2011

sooooomething...

I wish I had something to give here lately. Everything is being spring-loaded right now, I fear. There is so much going on with the sale of our house, that I hardly know how to sleep at night or how to answer the question, "How are ya?" Do I be honest and say, "I don't know. I think I'm okay. I'm not sleeping right." or do I just let it go and say, "fine." I always hate that response because when I ask someone how are they, I truly expect a real answer. If everyone always says, "gooood." or "fine." I know they aren't being honest. No one is always good or fine.
So, to answer that question, I think I should just say, "The sun is shining. Things are happening." and let them figure out how I'm feeling. It is honest, but it doesn't let them into the strange mixed-up sleep-deprived stuff I'm feeling.

Honestly, I'm waiting for the MOMENT I hop out of my truck and step onto OUR new place. I'll probably cry out of sheer exhaustion and gratefulness. Then I'll go around with my camera capturing little places and moments and shifts of light and grasses to share with you.

Until then, I'm feeling "something" and I don't know what it is well enough to share it.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Quiet Time

I'm sitting here in the quiet, just as I imagine I might if I were waiting for a train. The station is so quiet this morning (the neighbor dog only occasionally is making a ruckus), and I get to drive into work by myself. We rarely make the choice to take separate cars these days (what with the price of gas), but today we needed to because of helping some friends tonight by watching their children, I needed the extra seats.
I decided to take advantage of the alone time, and I'm sitting here, feeling quite delinquint (hmm...not sure how to spell that word, ah well) and letting the quiet just rush over me. Coffee and quiet and the morning...so nice. I am such a night person, but there have been mornings before my family has awoken, or when I truly was alone that I savor it. This is one of those mornings, that I feel I've stolen from the mad rush of what is coming and what has been...ahhhh...alone time is wonderful wherever I take it from.
And now I'm off to the Kindergarten...

Sunday, February 06, 2011

This is the way I am...






I'm always giving things a good go, and then coming back to who I really am. I like that about myself. I like that I'm willing to try things, and honestly give it a good try. I actually liked facebook and depended on it, but that is when I know I should head out...when I start to depend on something until I forget who I really am. It isn't healthy for me to be always comparing and looking at who gets "likes" and who doesn't comment. In the end, we all do whatever we can to make sure our families know we love them, and I'm just more comfortable doing it at my own pace.I remember my first "stepping down", and that was in high school. I'd been on the JV tennis team, and really did not do well. I had always wanted to try a sport, though, and I loved to play tennis. In fact, I'm sure I still would if there were tennis courts in rural Oregon just laying around...haha. But I was NOT liking the competition of who looked cutest in her tennis skirt, and who was in what place...I thought it was a team effort...nope. I didn't excel, and in fact, I was a terrible tennis player. The next year, when I was the ONLY player not making it to Varsity, I kindly told my coach I wouldn't be trying out that next year. I just didn't like the competition. It wasn't for me. That instance actually gave me the courage to always be trying something whole heartedly before I made an opinion on it. I've even tried to like ready-made kitchen decor (You know, buy the plates with roosters on them and find a matching towel, matching rug, matching cups, matching silverware, matchy-matchy match...) but though it is easy, that doesn't work for me.Anyway, back to facebook...I permanently deleted the account, and I feel like some kind of huge responsibility just left my shoulders...amazing. Weirdly amazing.

Now, to talk about something else:

I won't be missing any little bits of this house, at all. There are no quiet corners I'll be thinking about for years to come. There is not one special tree that I came to know. There wasn't a bush or a rock that will be missed. In general, I'll be wistful about leaving the home I tried so desperately to make my own. I'll miss the idea of the place we brought our two new born babies too, but it could have been one of a dozen homes, honestly. I am ready to LOVE a home. I am ready to know it like a friend.

I will not miss this black pipe coming up through the ceiling (why oh why did the original builders do this?) I won't even miss the paint treatment my mom and I gave to the mantle when I was having an especially off moment and needed desperately to make something MINE. Mom is always there when I need that. Though I took good pictures of it, because I loved the way it came out...

I will not miss trying to see the sunrise and the sky through the 360 degree trees I have here. I will not miss the neighbors stupid, stupid dog who will not shut up. I will not miss the other neighbor who shows up outside everytime I try to run to the car on a Sunday morning to get something in my thin jammies and no bra. I will not miss the garden that always promised, but never delivered. I will not miss the green house that never was. I will not miss the fence I almost lost both of my arms making that is now falling down (I, in fact, told my husband after we made it, "the minute that fence falls down is the minute we move out." Well, there you are.)

As I was enjoying the 40 degree morning (yippee! spring is coming!!!), and taking pictures of things I really couldn't wait to be done with, I caught myself in the reflection coming in and was pleasantly surprised...even in my flimsy jammies over yoga pants and big fat favorite sweatshirt, I liked the look of my reflection...I've lost 17 pounds just by eating better. That is a HUGE accomplishment for me. That is the most I've ever lost. I've got quite a bit more to go, but I'm feeling good that this is a lifestyle change for me, and not a quick fix.
Anyway, back to stoking my fire, I must have a wet log in there that just won't light...I must away!
I am looking forward to this move, like you wouldn't believe!!!! I bet you couldn't tell I was excited at all. The MOST exciting part...my life partner (my husband laughs when I call him this, but he IS my life partner) is just as excited as I am! I'd even call him...giddy...

another sign

I've been thinking about something for quite sometime now, and it was the cherry on top this morning when I read Jacqueline's post here.

And then I went and watched the trailer for the movie she mentioned, here. and just the trailer bothered me so much, that I had to write a comment for her that said this:

Gosh, Jacqueline, this is something that has really been on my mind lately. I rely on it to talk to my closest family lately...we don't call, and sometimes haven't visited because we already shared something on facebook. It has been disturbing me because I thought for awhile this was drawing us closer, but I get stupidly jealous when I see them "being friends" with other people and isn't that sooo stupid? "Why did they comment on so and so and not me?" In real life, they'd be calling so and so, and I'd never know it, and there is never a reason to be jealous. In real life, I should be calling people I love not because it is easier to do so, but because I love them and miss them. I've thought about it probably since the day I started it...often I'll think, If I did stop facebook it'll be harder to talk to this or that family member. Then I have to stop and realize, if I really love that person and want to talk to them, it is never work, what the heck am I thinking?! You've prompted me to do something that shouldn't be so hard...is it addictive? Will there be withdrawal? Will I get headaches and shake and have insomnia?

It is so disturbing a thought, that I must email some family that I became connected on through it and get their private emails...some how we only ever communicate through facebook and that is disturbing now to think about it. At one point, every contact I ever had was downloaded onto my android phone because I'd put the facebook app on there, and that was DISTURBING...I had acquaintances (that I'd only friended because I'm a pushover) home phone numbers and cell phone numbers and street addresses...oh...my...god.

I really have been thinking about it for awhile, and I realize I'm going to have to tell my family, and I feel like I'm coming out of the closet or something..."Mom, Dad, I'm not going to be on facebook anymore." Shudder..."Why?! Why?!" The fact that I think in such outrageous terms means it isn't good for me. I no longer laugh at my friend who balked and resisted and did not go onto facebook...how I laughed...

I put up a picture and then check out who likes it and who didn't say a thing and then I'm all a mess all day.
If I put up a lame thing about what I've made for dinner and only my mom "likes it" I feel like a failure...why should I be in that situation? I've got to stop. It is getting out of control.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Sense and Sensibility


A break from all of this home drama!! I'm so excited, but a girl must think of
dashing young men in Regency fashions now and again, don't you think?

I just watched the three episode BBC version of Sense and Sensibility from 2008, and
I LOVED IT!! Even better than the Emma Thompson/Kate Winslet version. I thought the actors were all just spot on! Above is Edward Farris...MUCH more like I would imagine him to be :)


I really probably loved Marianne the most, which is saying something as there were so many fine actors in this one, but she was so innocent...but she also gets the best line toward the end when she says something to the effect that in the end, people are not defined by what they say or how they feel, but by what they do, or do not do. I thought that was brilliant.
I loved Elinore as well...she was PERFECT! Also, not to be unkind to Emma Thompson, but I felt that this actress was much more to the age I would imagine Elinore to be.

I liked this Colonel Brandon so very much, but I also really loved Alan Rickman in the 1995 version - he seemed so full of life and yearning...he was so very good in it.

This had such beautiful scenes, it was breathtaking!
The little house by the sea was SUMPTUOUS!
the paneling was something else

thanks Ma for recommending it, I totally agree, it is the best version so far :)
I have to read it, why have I not read this book? I suppose sometimes I watch a wonderful movie and let the story come into my life that way instead.
Happy dreaming.

Dust & Honey

Once, long ago, I started a blog called Sparrow's Cottage. I left that without hardly a word (deleted in fact) after a few years of writing, in a great hermit-ous rush to be different and authentic and earthy like I felt I must be down inside my heart.
That led me down a strange badger hole
and up into a dark and mysterious wood.

I remember the day I found an antique print of a mother and child in a forest and they'd spilled a basket of berries. The caption says "In the Wood" - I loved it, and took it, and made it mine, "Into the Woode" was so right for me at the time. I had taken to finding quiet out of the way corners to sit and brood and journal and was, now I know, trying to find my way out of the woode, literally and figuratively.

I found my shadow self in the woode. If I couldn't say "enjoyed" or "had fun", I certainly needed and appreciate and longed for those days of quiet and contemplation and brooding thoughts.
And she spoke to me of things we'd longed for but no longer felt we could have, or weren't worthy enough to get.

Together, she and I made our way out of the woode. We've been out for sometime now, standing here at the edge, grasping at the edges of farm land as if it were a wayward tablecloth in a riotous wind.
and here we are, standing in the most delicious promise of farm dust
while we soak in the honeyed sunrise.
I get to be a farmgirl again...
and when I smile about this, there are apples in my cheeks and an exhale on my lips,
I kid you not.

There are only a few of you I've really ever heard from, though I know I lurk on more than half of what I read on blogs, too, so I may never know the extent of my readership, but if you are interested, I'll be writing about whatever I need to just as I've always done before, but I'm going to call it
dustandhoney (dot) blogspot (dot) com

Dust & Honey
- thank you to a kindred spirit who puts up mirrors so I can see myself afresh -
conjures up so many images for me...
my chickens fluffing themselves in a dust bath,
hard work,
finely ground earth,
tractors,
sunrises and sunsets,
taking the best that life has to offer me,
giving the best that is in me,
open sky, open arms, open eyes,
child-like wonder...

our lives are changing,
and I'm reclaiming myself as a farmgirl.
that's where I belong, that's where I'm putting myself.
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I'm going to just change the name of this blog, so I'll leave it as Into the Woode for awhile until anyone I think wants to know, does know, and then it'll be the new one:
dustandhoney (dot) blogspot (dot) com