Monday, July 02, 2012

what I want

(image is from the Fairy Tale Tarot by Lisa Hunt - I love it and want to own it because she tells stories in one illustration)

I almost wrote that this is what I WANTED to be like right now, and the more I reflected, the more I realized that I AM this right now. The Sorceress is floating over the water/inner-life or is made from the water/inner-life and seems to be in either morning or evening. I can't tell if it is Spring or Winter. She is gathering or strewing...it all leads me to believe that she is in a state of possibility. A Sorceress has the power to make things happen - she is one of the cunning folk who can make things happen, or make things not happen. I am in this state of  possibility as well. 
I am again between jobs - which is a sad place to be in, if I let it. I am grateful for many things, but I do not like the feeling of the unknown too much. There is so much we cannot plan for. So much that may or may not be.
Because I know this, I have decided to narrow down my future. I am  not leaving everything to the winds this year. It is kind of like that saying about "you-know-what-ing" or getting off the pot. I have to make some decisions for myself. However, I know that when I've finally made decisions for myself, the strangest opportunities come up. 
So, it comes down to this: I have this basket of wonderful potential and I can choose to gather it up, or strew it out. I can choose when, I can choose how. I CAN CHOOSE. How empowering is that?
I choose, even when I'm in an interview. If I want the job, I'll be choosing to get that job the whole time. If I do not, I think they'll know it, too. 
We have a field that is full of buttercups that didn't get swathed today...because the swather wouldn't fit through the gate...how strange and wonderful all at once. I was open to the possibility of it getting bailed up, but didn't particularly want it to. Did I choose that? In a way, I did. I didn't even measure the gate to see if the swather could get in. I could've measure it, but didn't. I could've taken down a few more posts, but chose not to. Aww well, I said to myself. He'll probably fit. Nope. I think I chose that. I'm happy I have my meadow of buttercups today. The other field is all cut and will be ready to bail for our animals in the winter, which  makes me exceedingly happy. One for the animals and one for me. One for the body and one for the soul. 
We choose, even when we aren't totally aware we've made a choice.