Wednesday, October 24, 2012

clarity and wet shoes

my mind is the clearest it has been in a very very long time
I love that I am able to see past the words that come out of people's mouths
I love that I am able to hear deeper

there are many sweet hearts, honest smiles and caring spirits in my work
there are many day-to-day annoyances and selfishness as well
I do not mind it, because anything that seems too perfect would scare me
anything with that veneer I cannot see behind makes me wary

I can accept the realities, because they are REAL; there is no hiding there

I have met a gentle soul there who reminds me of the realities of soul-deep pain, and the bravery it takes to step past that pain to share one's true self in the world. I remind that soul that they are not alone. That though  who they are does not necessarily "match-up" with the society we live in at the moment, the truth is, they are more inspiring, courageous, "better-for-it", when they walk out into the world as they are (excuse me for not sharing even gender here, as I wither at the thought of anyone knowing of whom I am writing). I remind this person that if I met them on the street, I would feel an overwhelming joy. I would be better for even having glimpsed them, as I would say, "Excuse me, can I just tell you how wonderful I think it is that you step out into the world being exactly who you are. You inspire me and fill me with hope for humanity."

I've met these sorts of people.
I'm able to let go of the frivolous notion that I must be perfect to succeed or even to be called "pretty good". 
I'm able to be exactly me, and I feel that in this way, I am more than enough. 
They actually WANT someone who is passionate about teaching children, who is transparent, willing to be REAL, able to let go of inflexibility, walk slower, speak kinder, take more time to resolve, relish the time with these little people...
how, oh how, did I step into this?

Have you ever read Pete the Cat? It is my new favorite thing. Pete LOVES his white shoes, and you sing along, "I love my white shoes, I love my white shoes, I love my white shoes..." very jazzy and cool, then OH NO! Pete stepped in a large pile of strawberries! Did Pete cry? Goodness no! He just kept walking along, singing his song. Then you sing, "I love my red shoes, I love my red shoes, I love my red shoes..." then OH NO! Pete stepped in a large pile of blueberries! Did Pete cry? Goodness no! He just kept walking along and singing his song. Then you sing, " I love my blue shoes, I love my blue shoes, I love my blue shoes..." (though the artist in me cringes and knows red plus blue is actually purple, I suspend my disbelief for the simplicity of saying blue :)  He steps in mud and then he loves his brown shoes. He steps in water and all the colors wash away and now they are white again, but now they are wet, and he loves his wet shoes!
The end of the picture book actually says that the moral of Pete's story is that no matter what you step in, just keep walking along and singing your song, because it's all good!
I LOVE IT! The kids love it. My own children love it. It makes sense. It is absolutely sensible and right and wonderful and hopeful and healthy. Amazingly simple and beautiful.
And Pete is rather cute, too.

The point, right now, is. I stepped in a few things, that turned into something else than what I'd had. I have cried, but I tried to keep walking along and singing my song. It can be very difficult...can it not?!
I am SO happy that I stepped into this work. I'm so happy that I just kept walking along and singing my song, because some people have heard my song! It turns out our songs are essentially the same, and it sounds rather jazzy and cool, "I love my wet shoes, I love my wet shoes, I love my wet shoes..."

Monday, October 01, 2012

ever light


in that place
of light
where fists are faded
tears, like the tide, can come and go
without desert or hurricane
i am myself

in that place
of light
where eyes are closed
to experiment with sunshine shadows
and soft thoughts
i am myself

in that place
of light
i hear myself before i speak
and think
 of things to say
i am myself

in that place
of ever light
when shine breaks caress shorelines
and sand
 like a lover
mixes with the sea
i am myself

~Katie Estvold~